... Survival of the Willing

Between sore nipples and sleep deprivation lay a deranged memory of my old self. During the first few weeks I was certain that anyone who chose to have multiple children must be raving mad. Whenever asked how I was managing I would simply state: "I'm surviving."

Thankfully, there is no prize for how gracefully one passes through this time. There is no prerequisite to be "the fittest", or the strongest. I needed to be willing; willing to be honest and ask for help.

When the days got dark and my thoughts started to spiral into a lifeless vortex, I found myself munching on some Mini Eggs and streaming cheesy sitcoms in order to get a laugh. In the dead of night while I struggled to find a comfortable latch and my head pounded from lack of sleep, I cried out to God in prayer with unashamed wailing.

Eventually, I gathered my courage and went to a lactation consultant. Twice. I welcomed people into my home and gladly let my baby be held by others. I forced myself out the door to be pleasantly surprised how good it actually felt. I fought the baby blues knowing that postpartum depression could come knocking at my mind's door; but now I'd be ready.

I encourage you to find the strength to be willing. I found strength in my faith in Jesus Christ. It became clear to me early on that I would not be able to complete this journey on my own. As I waited for Him to answer my prayers, I made time for a laugh and something delicious. I learned to accept help from others and don't believe the lie that getting help is a sign of failure.

Chocolate is good. Motherhood gets better. Whatever your struggle may be; this too shall pass.

This album encouraged me, I hope it does for you too.

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Matthew 28:20

" ...surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."