... Not Graded

For some this may come as a relief. There is no one handing out grades, promotions or prizes for your success (or lack thereof) as a mom. However, for the goal-setting, brown-nosing, competitive person I am, this is a hard truth to deal with.

My whole school career I was able to measure my success based on my grades. Getting good grades made me feel valuable, important and encouraged to keep doing my best. Getting bad grades shook me up and lit the fire under me to try to do better. Even in the work place, I was able to make note of my success with earning raises and seeing increasing production totals. I would make goals, and when those goals were met, my brain was flooded with dopamine; what a rush! It may sound ridiculous to some, but knowing I could shave off 15 seconds of a filling procedure just by the way I handed the dentist her instruments was like being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

In school we were taught to set goals that were "measurable". But what set of numbers can you apply to a baby? Do I count the hours of sleep she gets and compare that to the average? What about the number of words she can speak? The tablespoons of food she eats? I have started to realize that my "success" as a mother can not be graded. If I use my baby's behavior and performance as a guide to how good I am as a mom, I am going to fail often. Not only is this unfair to me, its extremely unfair to BabyK.

Here's the good news I've found. Success as a mom can be found in my love and service to Christ. I firmly believe that the more I fuel my relationship with Him and become more like Him, the more I will be a better mom. Even for you ladies who don't share my faith, I believe the same principle applies. You might not even recognize the ways you are already acting like Christ. Serving, loving, persevering; these are all things that He empowers us to do. He wouldn't have blessed us with our child(ren) had He not thought us worthy or capable.

So instead, I will count the days where I've spent time with God as my successes. I will count the times I have got up after a fall (both literally and figuratively) as an "A". I will choose to see nap strikes and hissy-fits as a chance to let God do the heavy lifting and not as a mark of my failure. I will stop setting goals for things I do not have control of, and be more forgiving of myself when I miss the ones I am.

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Hebrews 13:16

"And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased."