... Getting a Reprieve

It's hard to pin point just how many weeks it has been of feeling this way. For the most part, I have been able to ignore the ever changing world around me and hold on to hope of summer visits and returning to a "normal" life. But the exhaustion of living in limbo is never fully extinguished and only seems to be reignited by the whiny toddler stage. I find myself feeling lethargic, apathetic and impatient. Just what you need to chase a demanding toddler around all day - not (obviously).

Perhaps I have acclimatized to a new stage, or a bit of hot weather has done some rejuvenating. Whatever the case may be, I am thankful to say; today was a good day. Reflecting now I can recall several tantrums and less desirable moments. But all things considered, it was the kind of day I needed. It was the type of day where the laughs and smiles outnumbered the tears and facepalms. It was a day where the desire for more children overshadowed the fear of reliving this all over again.

I suppose a lot of this change is spurred by BabyK and her development. She may not be walking yet, but the victories we've had this week were big for her. She has shown more interest in feeding herself with a spoon. She has practiced many new words such as "please" and "shoes". She will attempt walking while holding onto our hands as opposed to practicing her "L-sit". After months of hating hats and refusing to wear bows, BabyK has finally given me permission to put her hair up in ponytails. But perhaps the most fun we've had is seeing her "karate chop" with her dad. Witnessing these next stages of transitioning from our baby to our little girl are priceless and I wouldn't trade then for anything.

I'm still tired. I'm still anxious to share a meal with those I love. I'm still excited to sing at the top of my lungs with my Christian brothers and sisters. I know that when we ask God to change us, He will give us opportunity to practice. But today felt like the ice cream cone my dad would buy me after a hard played softball game with countless strike outs. Maybe this means that tomorrow is business as usual. Maybe it means we have turned a new leaf to what our days will look like. Regardless, I know that the same Good Father who gave me this day will give me the strength I need to get through the harder days to come. Sometimes you don't get the home run hit, but a walk to first can be enough.

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Psalm 23:1-2

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters."