... A Rollercoaster

Last night we were up a lot. I don't know why I was under the impression that once you have gone through sleep training, you're done; you've had it; your baby will now sleep with ease the rest of their life and you will once again get to sleep in on a Saturday morning. Clearly, I was wrong.

It never ceases to amaze me how much fluctuation seems to be in motherhood. Somedays you're at the top of the world and nothing could be better. The sun is shining, the air and clear and all is right. Other days you are plummeting to your death at alarming speeds with thousands of "Why did I think this was a good idea?"-like thoughts flashing through your head.

Hearing BabyK cry out in the wee hours of the morning can feel like being dropped from peak without a seatbelt. There are days when it feels like I've tried everything and nothing seems to get me where I want to be. But last night, as I dragged my sorry butt out of bed and gathered my crying baby in my arms I realized something. As exhausted and frustrated as I felt, I could still love being a mom in that moment. Her heavy head plunked on my shoulder and she nestled into my neck. I rocked us both back to sleep amazed that even in this moment, there could be so much joy and love despite it all.

It's good to be reminded that things don't have to be going well for God to make something beautiful. I would always chose sleep over exhaustion, and yet I would never trade those cuddles for any amount of shut-eye. I would never chose to be placed in an isolating lockdown, but there is still beauty being made from the ashes. These "downs" we experience only make the "ups" more real and precious. How amazing is this God who can do this? He makes light shine in even the darkest place, and peace rest even amidst the craziest circumstances. He remains faithful, consistent and true through the rollercoasters of life.

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Isaiah 66:13

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you."