... Real

I'm just going to say it. The last little while has been hard. BabyK has gone through through the last couple weeks on some sort of "good day/bad day" teeter totter. Tooth number 8 came in with a vengeance, the nap schedule has once again rewritten itself, and the avocado was too cold. The reasons why BabyK's mood tanks seems to become more and more obscure and less easy to remedy.

There was one particular day where the supper meltdown had led to several choking incidences(for her) and a blistering headache(for me). I was at the end of my rope feeling frustrated, scared and defeated. Then in came HubbyK to the rescue.

In his calm, cool and collected way, BabyK's daddy picked her up and proceeded with the bedtime routine. I (in my emotional, drained and open way) proceeded with a meltdown of my own. I glanced in her nursery where they sat nestled together enjoying her nighttime story and for a moment the thought passed "They don't even need me".

It was a dark thought, and whether or not it came from me or the devil is not the point. The point is that it wasn't from God. If He felt there was some reason our family shouldn't be together, then we wouldn't be and "me being needed" sure wouldn't be the reason. I firmly believe that He is purposeful with everything He does; including the blessings of our families. I also know that He loves us and has great plans for us. Thankfully, I have accepted this truth for a while now, and therefore did not allow the thought to rest in my mind.

You see, I'm not writing this for attention, pity or help. I simply want other moms to know that this is real. All kinds of factors can contribute to thoughts popping in our heads that are not helpful or even true. Yes, not everything you think is true. If we allow ourselves to dwell on these thoughts, we find ourselves in a world of pain.

You are not a bad mom because you wished your toddler would just "shut up". You're not a bad mom because you catch yourself daydreaming of a day when your child will no longer be living under your roof. You're not a bad mom for longing for some escape from the burden of reality. You're a human, with weakness. So am I. In these moments we are given the opportunity to let God do what He does best; shine.

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2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."