... 20/20

I know we often think of hindsight as giving the clear picture we wish we had in those past moments, and yet I feel that motherhood can also hold a similar clarifying lens. Obviously, not everything makes sense as a mom. Yet, being a mom can bring some amazing new insights and understandings to things once mystifying.

There were several things I had questioned pre-motherhood; why moms never seem to know their own child's name (i.e. call every other name out except the right one); why does the phone always ring while you're in the bathroom; or why do parents constantly use the phrase "I promise"? The latter particularly bothered me. I've seen enough cinema in my life to know that when someone "promises" to do something, it is the last thing that will be done - if at all. So you can imagine my surprise and slight disgust when I heard those words slip out from my own mouth.

BabyK was happily playing with her books while I quickly vacuumed the plethora of dust bunnies that had started to build a warren in our master bedroom. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw BabyK scooting towards me with a book in her hand. I shut off the vacuum and turned to her. She held her favorite book up to me and with a big smile called out "pees!" (translated "please"). I knew right away that she wanted me to read with her, and my heart filled with joy. We've been working her manners and I wanted to reward her for being such a good girl. I also only had 1/4 of the room left to vacuum.

So I praised BabyK for using her manners and told her we would read once I was done vacuuming. Her little smile dropped and concerned confusion started to fill her eyes. Wanting to bring back the sparkle I called out "Just one minute, then we'll read... I promise." As soon as the words left my lips and landed on my ears I shivered. I had done it. I had used "I promise" like those silly tv show characters I always scold for popping out promises like they were Pez candies.

It's not that promises are bad, but I was always taught that if I intended to follow through with something, my word should be enough. No matter how pure the desire to keep the promise, there are thousands of factors out of our control that can make delivering those promises impossible, or extremely difficult. If promises were meant for serious matters like marriage vows and not trivial things like book readings, why did I hear something so unlike me, come from me?

In the moment I had wanted BabyK to know that she was seen, heard, and not abandoned. My desire was to give her assurance that I would come through and she would have a hope to hold on to. Naturally, I want my word to mean something to her, and for her to know she can depend on me. Even though I know that the most faithful mother can't always keep a promise, the idea of a promise is still desirable.

When I read and learn about God's promises for us, I have come to the understanding He'll come through no matter what. Unlike me with BabyK, there is nothing in the world that can keep Him from His promises. This is an incredible source of hope and peace. Thankfully today I was able to come through and read with BabyK. I hope that if the day comes when I am not able, she can rest in that supernatural hope and peace of God's promises.

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Ezekiel 12:28

“Therefore say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: None of my words will be delayed any longer; whatever I say will be fulfilled, declares the Sovereign Lord.'”

2 Corinthians 1:20

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ."